Tuesday, October 30, 2012

October 30th, 2012

A Fibro Flare Day

There is nothing as slow as a day when the body won't work, but the mind is active and needs something to focus upon.

Today is a high pain day. My body aches everywhere. The soles of my feet hurt when I stand. My entire feet hurt when I walk. My legs stiffen with movement, and cramp if left to rest too long. Muscles feel bruised and weakened. Fine motor control is difficult. My insides have a burning feeling. I've been plagued by heartburn and reflux again. My face hurts. My left side has nerve damage making my teeth ache and cheek burn. My cheek turns red and swollen. My lips and tongue burn. Pain like this doesn't respond well to pain meds. I have to just endure it, cope with it, and try to not bother anyone too much over it. 

The day outside is grey, wet, and cold. Inside the house is dark and cold. It's depressing. 

It would be an easier day if I had brain-fog enough to not think about depressing things.

 I miss my beautiful Princess Squeeky very much. She would be sitting here beside me, cuddled up close. She would follow me everywhere I would go inside my home. I miss her very much. I find myself looking for her, and when I realize that I will never see her again I cry. 

It's been a week since daughter Melody's last attack email. I dread opening my email inbox. What crazy things will she say next? 

I dread the next question some one will ask me about how my children are doing, how my grandson is. I do not know how they are doing.

Life isn't easy right now.
It isn't easy any day any more.

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