A Conversation Caught in Passing

Setting: A coffee shop on a Tuesday afternoon, at the next table.

Woman A to her friend: You know, I really miss my cousin. I know that she says that she's a "shut in" but cummon now she could at least put in the effort to get herself together so that she could join us out for coffee like she used to do.

Woman B replies: Doesn't Sally have that chronic fatigue thing? I saw something about that on TV.

Woman A: Yeah, something like that. It's not as if she's a cripple even if she does sit in that wheelchair sometimes.

Woman B: I did not know about the wheelchair. She drives doesn't she?

Woman A: Nope. She used to, but like, she stopped so that she could get other people to drive her everywhere. Who has time for that?

Woman B: I dunno. Maybe one of us could pick her up for our coffee date. It's not like she lives that far from here. Or we could just meet at her place and bring drive thru for us and her too.

Woman A: Sally doesn't like it when I just drop by, even if she knows that I am coming by. She will not even be dressed and say that she feels too sick to visit. Besides I really hate going over to her place.

Woman B: Why's that?

Woman A: The dirt. You'd think that she could at least have a clean house being home all the time.

Woman B: I didn't know she was a slob. Is she a hoarder?

Woman A: Slob. Oh, the house looks tidy enough at first glance but there is grunge everywhere. Disgusting. She could at least hire a cleaning service. But she says that since she had to stop working she can't afford to hire anyone. I'm sure that she could get some sort of job if only she tried.

Woman B: I did not know that. Poor Sally.

Woman A: Yeah. I miss her, but I just don't want to deal with all her drama. Yikes.. the time! I gotta run.. bye...

Woman B: Bye. I think I'll give Sally a call and see if she would like me to drop by with coffee and cupcake.

Judging by our Public Mask

The public mask we wear tells people that we are OK. They do not know how "hopped-up" on meds and supplements that it takes, the cosmetics we may be using, to sheer willpower that we are using, that makes up that mask. We are great actors. Once we are able to take off that public mask- we collapse. Truly, physically collapse. Sometimes we emotionally/mentally collapse as well. That make-up will smear since we do not have the strength to remove it. The energy we spent to wear the public face has been borrowed from the rest of the day, maybe even the rest of the week. When the drugs wear off the body rebels and if we are very lucky all we get is a physical collapse. If we are not lucky the body is wracked by pain and nausea, migraines of the head and of the gut. Light, sound, sensations bring lightning zaps of burning pain and vertigo- like the worse hangover ever imaginable. This is the price we pay so that outsiders can interact with us and judge us as being less ill than we actually are. What they see is the tip of the iceberg poking up into the sunshine on a calm day. They do not see that tip lashed by the winds and waves, nor do they see the suffering that lies under the waves.

Spend some real quality time with us. Hold us when we cry because we do not know if we will live another day because we cannot imagine living in so much pain. Help us stand to get to the washroom so we can use the facilities. Help us bathe to get the stink of endless sweats from our skin and hair. Prepare nourishing meals that our forever picky stomachs can endure, with aromas that do not trigger nausea. Read to us in dimly lit rooms when our eyes will not track to read ourselves and when light hurts our heads. Bring us drinks to avoid dehydration. Clean our clothes and homes because we cannot, and if you watch us struggle to do for ourselves you might realize how difficult it is for us to do what for you is easy beyond thought. Be our true friends, be a true care giver for a full 24 hrs. Not someone who hangs around ignoring us, making us want to cater to you as our guest while you are here disrupting out private lives. Be an angel instead. I doubt that many could manage a full 24/7 and still believe that the Public Mask is more than an illusion.

Everyday Life Needs Inclusion Not Exclusion

I wonder...

I wonder would anybody really care

 if one day I wasn't there?

Would they wonder where I'd gone?

Would anybody shed a tear

 if my voice they'd never hear?

Would they even ever think of me?

I wonder if they ever think of me now

 or if they never really cared at all?

Would they come to my funeral?

People are hypocrites. They say things in order to get something from someone, or to pretend to care because they feel that it is socially expected from them- but they lie. They say that they will always be there, that they care. That they can be trusted and relied upon. But only a sad fool relies upon any promise given. Out of sight- out of mind is a truism. People are disposable once they are no longer of any immediate use. Leave the hard stuff, the awkward stuff, the taking time and effort stuff to other people to do. It's a hard world out there... looking out for #1, Me and Mine mindset. Once we thought we were among those "Me and Mine". Now we know better.

Silence Isn't Always Golden

Silence is a vacuum into which all contact is lost

Into which the warmth of love is dissolved.

Silence is coldness with a frigid hardness

Sucking away the warmth from fond memories.

Silence drains the strength from the spirit

Breaking the heart of even the strong.

Silence brings a mind to worry and to fret

Shadow demons haunt with what if's.

Silence is a pit of darkeness

Feeding depression, anxiety, and distress.

Why does silence from and about those we care about have to hurt so much and for so long? Why do we grieve so long and so hard over lack of contact? Why does it hurt so when we are asked by others how our "family" members are doing when the only news we get comes from other people, heard in passing? Why does the attitude of "Don't call us, we will call you when and if it becomes convenient" kill our soul? Why are we so unworthy of care?

  

Taking Time

If you love someone- let them know.

Make time to take time to reach out.

Do not let your life become so busy that you cease to care.

Because some day, too soon, they won't be there.

Don't leave it up to them to contact you

And don't reject them if they do.

Reach out frequently, updates on daily life

Inclusion not exclusion from your world.

Is a text to tell someone you care about them

Really such a difficult thing to do?

"Time, and tide, wait for no one"

The truth is that Time doesn't care.

Time just passes, and it's gone.

   

What is Family?

Blood, Adoption or Marriage links makes you a Relation,  adds you as a member of the Clan.

Love and loyalty makes you Family.

Love, Loyalty, and Contact makes you Close Family.

Attitude is everything, making Family from Strangers and making Strangers out of even blood Relations.

Ii is said that if you want your family members to be there for you, you need to be there for them.  But you can be there for them while they are not there for you. No longer does the old saying that "family are those people who always have to let you in" hold true. If you no longer have anything to offer them you are likely to be"shit-out-of-luck", especially if you may need something from them even in the smallest way. 

     

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If any of the above speaks to your heart please leave me a short note in the comments section. Your feedback is much welcomed.