A Conversation Caught in Passing

Setting: A coffee shop on a Tuesday afternoon, at the next table.

Woman A to her friend: You know, I really miss my cousin. I know that she says that she's a "shut in" but cummon now she could at least put in the effort to get herself together so that she could join us out for coffee like she used to do.

Woman B replies: Doesn't Sally have that chronic fatigue thing? I saw something about that on TV.

Woman A: Yeah, something like that. It's not as if she's a cripple even if she does sit in that wheelchair sometimes.

Woman B: I did not know about the wheelchair. She drives doesn't she?

Woman A: Nope. She used to, but like, she stopped so that she could get other people to drive her everywhere. Who has time for that?

Woman B: I dunno. Maybe one of us could pick her up for our coffee date. It's not like she lives that far from here. Or we could just meet at her place and bring drive thru for us and her too.

Woman A: Sally doesn't like it when I just drop by, even if she knows that I am coming by. She will not even be dressed and say that she feels too sick to visit. Besides I really hate going over to her place.

Woman B: Why's that?

Woman A: The dirt. You'd think that she could at least have a clean house being home all the time.

Woman B: I didn't know she was a slob. Is she a hoarder?

Woman A: Slob. Oh, the house looks tidy enough at first glance but there is grunge everywhere. Disgusting. She could at least hire a cleaning service. But she says that since she had to stop working she can't afford to hire anyone. I'm sure that she could get some sort of job if only she tried.

Woman B: I did not know that. Poor Sally.

Woman A: Yeah. I miss her, but I just don't want to deal with all her drama. Yikes.. the time! I gotta run.. bye...

Woman B: Bye. I think I'll give Sally a call and see if she would like me to drop by with coffee and cupcake.

Judging by our Public Mask

The public mask we wear tells people that we are OK. They do not know how "hopped-up" on meds and supplements that it takes, the cosmetics we may be using, to sheer willpower that we are using, that makes up that mask. We are great actors. Once we are able to take off that public mask- we collapse. Truly, physically collapse. Sometimes we emotionally/mentally collapse as well. That make-up will smear since we do not have the strength to remove it. The energy we spent to wear the public face has been borrowed from the rest of the day, maybe even the rest of the week. When the drugs wear off the body rebels and if we are very lucky all we get is a physical collapse. If we are not lucky the body is wracked by pain and nausea, migraines of the head and of the gut. Light, sound, sensations bring lightning zaps of burning pain and vertigo- like the worse hangover ever imaginable. This is the price we pay so that outsiders can interact with us and judge us as being less ill than we actually are. What they see is the tip of the iceberg poking up into the sunshine on a calm day. They do not see that tip lashed by the winds and waves, nor do they see the suffering that lies under the waves.

Spend some real quality time with us. Hold us when we cry because we do not know if we will live another day because we cannot imagine living in so much pain. Help us stand to get to the washroom so we can use the facilities. Help us bathe to get the stink of endless sweats from our skin and hair. Prepare nourishing meals that our forever picky stomachs can endure, with aromas that do not trigger nausea. Read to us in dimly lit rooms when our eyes will not track to read ourselves and when light hurts our heads. Bring us drinks to avoid dehydration. Clean our clothes and homes because we cannot, and if you watch us struggle to do for ourselves you might realize how difficult it is for us to do what for you is easy beyond thought. Be our true friends, be a true care giver for a full 24 hrs. Not someone who hangs around ignoring us, making us want to cater to you as our guest while you are here disrupting out private lives. Be an angel instead. I doubt that many could manage a full 24/7 and still believe that the Public Mask is more than an illusion.