Judging by our Public Mask

The public mask we wear tells people that we are OK. They do not know how "hopped-up" on meds and supplements that it takes, the cosmetics we may be using, to sheer willpower that we are using, that makes up that mask. We are great actors. Once we are able to take off that public mask- we collapse. Truly, physically collapse. Sometimes we emotionally/mentally collapse as well. That make-up will smear since we do not have the strength to remove it. The energy we spent to wear the public face has been borrowed from the rest of the day, maybe even the rest of the week. When the drugs wear off the body rebels and if we are very lucky all we get is a physical collapse. If we are not lucky the body is wracked by pain and nausea, migraines of the head and of the gut. Light, sound, sensations bring lightning zaps of burning pain and vertigo- like the worse hangover ever imaginable. This is the price we pay so that outsiders can interact with us and judge us as being less ill than we actually are. What they see is the tip of the iceberg poking up into the sunshine on a calm day. They do not see that tip lashed by the winds and waves, nor do they see the suffering that lies under the waves.

Spend some real quality time with us. Hold us when we cry because we do not know if we will live another day because we cannot imagine living in so much pain. Help us stand to get to the washroom so we can use the facilities. Help us bathe to get the stink of endless sweats from our skin and hair. Prepare nourishing meals that our forever picky stomachs can endure, with aromas that do not trigger nausea. Read to us in dimly lit rooms when our eyes will not track to read ourselves and when light hurts our heads. Bring us drinks to avoid dehydration. Clean our clothes and homes because we cannot, and if you watch us struggle to do for ourselves you might realize how difficult it is for us to do what for you is easy beyond thought. Be our true friends, be a true care giver for a full 24 hrs. Not someone who hangs around ignoring us, making us want to cater to you as our guest while you are here disrupting out private lives. Be an angel instead. I doubt that many could manage a full 24/7 and still believe that the Public Mask is more than an illusion.